Saturday, 20 October 2012

Response to Emily and other topics/ramblings.

My buddy Emily has a new blog. (newish mom!)
 She wrote this post and I was writing a reply and then realized my reply was longer then her post. Figured I would just post in my blog since its been way too long.

Wonderful post. And all very very true. As you (most of you) know Ryan was a breast feed baby. I was very adamant about that, we both were. So those first few days are so hard. Then the first few weeks. Neil would work all day, come home and help me, and then make us dinner and even feed me while I tried to feed Ryan. It's really about a united front, still is and I think always will be.

Couples that are on the verge of splitting and have a baby really confuse the shit out of me. Really?! You think having a completely dependent being is going to keep you together. BULLSHIT. When neither of you get sleep for 3 weeks and you find yourself arguing over who got more sleep last night that is the reality of having a kid.
"I was up at 1am feeding the baby and you were snoring, I remember, I put it in my iPhone app. It was so annoying and hard to not kill you."
"Really because I was up at 1:15 when Ryan cried and you were sleeping away and you were farting in your sleep."
Then I would pull out my iPhone and open my "what to expect" app and show him exactly when I feed ryan, on what boob and when he went back to sleep.
Yes I was a freak those first few months. No surprise there.

You get shit on, literally, barfed on, sore nipples, blisters, not wanting to eat, not being able to eat enough, zombie like brain function, pissed you ran out of wipes and it's just when the kid took a huge dump and it's everywhere, mad you are home with the baby and hubby gets to escape to work, mad the wife gets to nap during the day, try to keep the house somewhat cleanish, make sure you are feed too, oh is that barf on your shirt? Well it's just one or two spots so it's clean enough, wash your hair every 3 days because you rather try to sleep... and so on. All the while bleeding, healing stitches and dealing with crazy hormones. (not to mention being aware you are crazy and feeling guilt over that.)

One thing I should mention, my son is 18 months old. (1 1/2 to you non-parents). And it's AWESOME. Yes we have a whole new bundle of issues, you always will. (NO HITTING RYAN!) But it's so awesome when he says "whatisthat mama?" (always wanting to learn) or when I get him from day care and he comes RUNNING when he sees me. The hugs, the dancing together, colouring on a piece of paper, him stealing all my food and I don't give a crap cause he is eating, laughing and then him laughing at me laughing and back and forth, running in circles cause is fun, hide and seek, tickling each other... it's amazing. Nothing like it in the world. I can not express completely how it makes you feel.

One thing to take away from this is; always ask how the dad is doing. No one ever asks the father "Hey man, how you holding up?" It's hard when a baby is breast feed and the dad can't really help they just see the mom going crazy (what happened to my wife?!). It's hard when you are up all night with a kid and then have to work and then come home to watch the kid (you can't feed) so your wife can nap or shower or just take a poop. Then said baby screams at you cause YOU do not have boobs and they just want mom and you just want everyone to be happy and to sleep. Dads are always under-appreciated.

When I was in labor I remembered hearing that, no one every worries about the husband/male. I did. I asked Neil how he was doing. I knew it was exciting/stressful/joyous/worried time for him. Being that Ryan was not our first birth I knew he was a little worried. We knew what was at risk. Watching the heart rate on the baby drop so low he was worried, seeing the crash cart and the always slight risk he might lose me, maybe both of us, I knew my husband was worried. The feeling of helplessness. Nothing he could do but stand by my side, hold my leg up and NOT LOOK DOWN THERE. Smile at me and tell me it was going to be alright. I had to ask if he was okay. I remember him laughing, the nurse and doctor being shocked I was worried about him. Why wouldn't I be? He is my best friend and this was something we were embarking on together.

Hmmmmm looks like two glasses of German wine makes me chatty and full of nostalgia. Chalk it up to wine, turning 35 next month and wine.
Oh I already said wine.


In unrelated news. I took my Canadian Citizenship test Friday. I am pretty sure I missed three questions. One I know for sure I missed. Oh well I can miss up to five and still pass. I should get a letter in 3-5 months. I will keep my US so I will be dual citizenship. Very exciting.
A HUGE step in securing my family since my husband is Canadian and my son is Canadian born.