School update

I am insanely proud of my son. He is doing so well in his school.

He is doing great learning his letters and numbers but now he has moved on to reading (language) and math (basic). This is crazy, he is not even four yet (will be in April).
I feel so proud and lucky to have a healthy kid who (I already knew but its nice to hear from his teachers) has a hunger to learn and he kind and respectful. Such a change from last year at this time.
Oh man, last year we had so many behavioural issues at school and at home, it was brutal. We were so lost on what to do and kept trying to help him but nothing was working, or so it felt.

Right now is amazing. He wants to help set the table and make dinner, he likes to vacuum and help with Roag (cat). When Sarah (his new cousin) cries he runs over to calm her. This kid has a huge heart. When we do disagree or one of us gets mad about something we talk. We talk about how we should treat each other with respect and love. And HE GETS IT!

Ever day I am so grateful for my little family.

If you are having a hard time with your kid please be a supportive and patient parent. The kid will not always be this way. Put yourself in the place of the child. Is there something going on at daycare/school? Something at home? Are you as a parent taking time for yourself, having time to unwind and relax? This was a huge thing for me! I needed time alone to be myself. Not a mom, a wife, a designer, a friend. Just ME.
:D

Enough People

I am tired of everyone complaining about Christmas and Holiday decorations being out and up before Dec 1st.
Just stop.
What does it matter if the stores have out Christmas stuff before Halloween is even over, or if your neighbours put lights up. It is pretty. It makes people happy when it can be a pretty dressing time of year.
Here in Canada November can be so depressing. Fall is pretty much over, no more yellow/orange/red leafs. Just bare trees and dead grass. It's grey and cold and wet.
If you walk into a store and it smells like Cinnamon and you see red all over and holiday jolly music playing softly in the background do this... close your eyes. Take a deep breath and remember what this season is about.
Family
Joy
Giving Back
Love
Happiness

When I see my neighbour putting lights up I think "oh smart, this will be the last warm weekend we have till Spring next year, good call buddy."
Not "Ugh it's not even Dec, what a dick for putting pretty lights out that make everything look like a wonderland!"

STOP BEING SO NEGATIVE.
We are very lucky people, whom ever is reading this. You can go to the store and get food/clothing, you have a home/place to live that is not a tent or box, you can turn on a tap and drink the water, you can see a doctor, you can chose your schools to send your offspring.
WE ARE LUCKY.

So please. Before you complain about Holiday decorations or anything inane like that take a look at your life, pause ... and be grateful.


Or I will send the Grinch to go pee on your car handle.

Response to Emily and other topics/ramblings.

My buddy Emily has a new blog. (newish mom!)
 She wrote this post and I was writing a reply and then realized my reply was longer then her post. Figured I would just post in my blog since its been way too long.
http://minkflamingos.com/2012/10/20/im-in-your-relationship-dropping-bombs


Wonderful post. And all very very true. As you (most of you) know Ryan was a breast feed baby. I was very adamant about that, we both were. So those first few days are so hard. Then the first few weeks. Neil would work all day, come home and help me, and then make us dinner and even feed me while I tried to feed Ryan. It's really about a united front, still is and I think always will be.

Couples that are on the verge of splitting and have a baby really confuse the shit out of me. Really?! You think having a completely dependent being is going to keep you together. BULLSHIT. When neither of you get sleep for 3 weeks and you find yourself arguing over who got more sleep last night that is the reality of having a kid.
"I was up at 1am feeding the baby and you were snoring, I remember, I put it in my iPhone app. It was so annoying and hard to not kill you."
"Really because I was up at 1:15 when Ryan cried and you were sleeping away and you were farting in your sleep." Then I would pull out my iPhone and open my "what to expect" app and show him exactly when I feed ryan, on what boob and when he went back to sleep.
Yes I was a freak those first few months. No surprise there.

You get shit on, literally, barfed on, sore nipples, blisters, not wanting to eat, not being able to eat enough, zombie like brain function, pissed you ran out of wipes and it's just when the kid took a huge dump and it's everywhere, mad you are home with the baby and hubby gets to escape to work, mad the wife gets to nap during the day, try to keep the house somewhat cleanish, make sure you are feed too, oh is that barf on your shirt? Well it's just one or two spots so it's clean enough, wash your hair every 3 days because you rather try to sleep... and so on. All the while bleeding, healing stitches and dealing with crazy hormones. (not to mention being aware you are crazy and feeling guilt over that.)

One thing I should mention, my son is 18 months old. (1 1/2 to you non-parents). And it's AWESOME. Yes we have a whole new bundle of issues, you always will. (NO HITTING RYAN!) But it's so awesome when he says "whatisthat mama?" (always wanting to learn) or when I get him from day care and he comes RUNNING when he sees me. The hugs, the dancing together, colouring on a piece of paper, him stealing all my food and I don't give a crap cause he is eating, laughing and then him laughing at me laughing and back and forth, running in circles cause is fun, hide and seek, tickling each other... it's amazing. Nothing like it in the world. I can not express completely how it makes you feel.

One thing to take away from this is; always ask how the dad is doing. No one ever asks the father "Hey man, how you holding up?" It's hard when a baby is breast feed and the dad can't really help they just see the mom going crazy (what happened to my wife?!). It's hard when you are up all night with a kid and then have to work and then come home to watch the kid (you can't feed) so your wife can nap or shower or just take a poop. Then said baby screams at you cause YOU do not have boobs and they just want mom and you just want everyone to be happy and to sleep. Dads are always under-appreciated.

When I was in labor I remembered hearing that, no one every worries about the husband/male. I did. I asked Neil how he was doing. I knew it was exciting/stressful/joyous/worried time for him. Being that Ryan was not our first birth I knew he was a little worried. We knew what was at risk. Watching the heart rate on the baby drop so low he was worried, seeing the crash cart and the always slight risk he might lose me, maybe both of us, I knew my husband was worried. The feeling of helplessness. Nothing he could do but stand by my side, hold my leg up and NOT LOOK DOWN THERE. Smile at me and tell me it was going to be alright. I had to ask if he was okay. I remember him laughing, the nurse and doctor being shocked I was worried about him. Why wouldn't I be? He is my best friend and this was something we were embarking on together.


Hmmmmm looks like two glasses of German wine makes me chatty and full of nostalgia. Chalk it up to wine, turning 35 next month and wine.
Oh I already said wine.

heh.

In unrelated news. I took my Canadian Citizenship test Friday. I am pretty sure I missed three questions. One I know for sure I missed. Oh well I can miss up to five and still pass. I should get a letter in 3-5 months. I will keep my US so I will be dual citizenship. Very exciting.
A HUGE step in securing my family since my husband is Canadian and my son is Canadian born.

So many things in my brain.

So many things to write about so little time.
The wedding last weekend went off without any issues. It was beautiful, amazing and filled with love and fun. I might write more detail later. (with pictures!)

Today was spent cleaning the old place. I think we made a great dent. Could not have done it without Gabi's help. She took care of Ryan from 1:30-6pm. I really dont know what we would do without Neils parents.


Makes me a little sad I got so little time with Ry this weekend. Saturday was The Avengers which was AWESOME and today was cleaning. Trust me when I say I much rather have spent the day outside with Ryan and Neil playing in the park or going for a walk them cleaning our old apartment.
I digress, we got a lot done which feels great.


So stuff with Ryan. He has had some hard days. Just when we think the runny nose is better it gets worse. Thats the crappy thing about day care. Bonus is the sleeping. He sleeps much easier. I do wish the day care would give him more naps. I hate when he only has one nap and goes super crazy pants when we get home because he is so tired. He is a 1 year old. HE NEEDS TO SLEEP.
However, for now, he is still sleeping through the night, mostly. Sometimes he will wake, we think he has teeth coming in soon. God help us.

Today he grabbed his dirty shirt off the floor and tried to put it on himself, it was pretty cute. He does this open and close hand thing when he wants something really bad, normally its when he wants me. He acts up a lot more around me then anyone else. Day care says he is perfect. I was also warned this might happen. Its all normal. We spent all day and all night together. Now we have a two bedroom so he has his own room and he is in day care from 815-515. Neil and I try to spend as much time as we can with him. Ryan helps with this by waking up at 530 in the morning. :/
He is walking on his own all the time now, he even does this sort of running jog thing when he is excited or wants to get somewhere. I think he likes the condo. So much more room for him to run around in and explore and man, does he ever. He holds his own cup (this is a brand new things!) and knows what to do to drink from it. Somehow he learned about straws and can drink from that as well. He started Whole milk but he is not a fan of it. When he eats food he doesnt want he will ether pull it from his mouth and let it fall on the tray or floor or he will just open up his mouth and push the food out. Both are very funny and its super hard to refrain from laughing when he does it.

I found out my mothers day gift today from Neil. He is taking all my blog posts from the first one till Ryan hit one year, that is about 100 posts, and putting them in a book. He is having it done through apple which we are fond of using. (Rita and Tim wedding, Ryans albums, Sloanes first year album) they are a little pricy but so nice. This is a book I will always have. I can let Ryan read it when he is old enough to understand, I can re-read it and hold it in my hands. The pictures from me pregnant, ryan just born, apple picking, zoo, his shower, swimming for the first time, bath time, eating, sleeping, breast feeding, smiles, crying... so many memories in this past year to enjoy. It's awesome. Even more so since Ry is growing so much every week he is changing and becoming a little kid not a baby.


Now I need to come up with something for fathers day other then what I had planned. though to be fair he did get an iPad. :D


Work is hard. Neil thinks I lost my thick skin. I think I agree with him. I am offended and hurt much easier then I used to be. Some women have even commented about how happy I am now and smily. Most of the time this is true, why wouldn't I be. I have an amazing family and life, we are extremely lucky. Some women are mean, for the sake of being mean and I have no idea WHY they are. I do not understand or know what I did to upset them so since I have been away for a year, I dont think I did much to them. I often wonder if sometimes I did something and am just unaware. Maybe me coming back upsets the power or something? I mean come on, I am a graphic artist. Yeah I used to have a little more pull there before leaving so long but that will come back with time. Dont get me wrong, I enjoy my job, a lot, (when bitches are not being catty bitches) but I don't make it my main focus when I go home. I go home. I enjoy being home. I dont think about work at home anymore.
I hope things go back to normal. Though Neil has been telling me these mean women were mean before, I just didn't care as much before I left. I used to say "fuck those bitches" Now I say "I wonder why they dont like me." So lame I have become.
Thicken up skin, I am tired of being sad at work.

I miss my son. I will watch him on my break sometimes online and sometimes it makes me smile or laugh. And sometimes it makes my day even harder to get through. Helps we are super busy but watching him cuddling the ladies at his day care hurts and gives me a little relief. Unless you are a mom you will never understand this battle of feelings.
I have changed so much. I used to hate women that said that to me. "you are not a mom, you dont get it" but sorry ladies, its true.
Something changes in you, or at least it should. 


Okay enough, go to bed Mary. I keep staying up way to late and getting 5-6 hours sleep and then working all day and then running around like a crazy lady at night trying to prepare and clean.


I have yet to find my working mom groove. Hopefully that will come with time as well.
Any hits or tips for me?

Remember

I found this and I want to make sure I do this with Ryan.
love it.

http://creativewithkids.com/100-ways-to-be-kind-to-your-child/

Always carry love in your heart when you have children.

Advice and Neils first 'bad day' alone with Ry

I thought it was bad when I was pregnant. Nope. The amount of advice you get on babies is nothing until you are carrying one around ON you not IN you.

"He is to young to be outside"

"That's not how I did it with my kids"

"Well I have five children so I know what I am talking about"

"when I had my kids they told us to do this..."

A lot of the advice I have gotten has been BEYOND helpful. It pays to open your ears and not dismiss someone because they had a kid 30 years ago. You can learn a lot.

When I first had Ryan I got annoyed a lot at the un-asked for advice. Now that I am not as sleep deprived and there for less of a bitch I open up and take what I want from the advice given.

Friends, family, and strangers can sometimes offer a awesome idea, or tidbit of info if you just take a second and pay attention.

So Saturday Neil, Chris, Dan and Anand went out to Niagara Falls for Dans bachelor party. It was an over night trip. And as one would imagine Neil did not get a lot of sleep that night, just a few hours. 

Sunday he comes home, we chat about the night (and I get really jealous of the yummy food they ate) and I get ready to go to the bridal shower. I feed Ryan and he is in a pretty good mood when I leave (just pooped and passed a lot of gas).
Neil is full of hope that he will be able to get a nap with Ryan. I hope he does to but I know Ryan has that "up all day" look to him. I didn't think he would be so grumpy though...

Then I get the text messages from Neil about how Ryan ate ALL three 50ml breast milk bottles in 45 minutes. Crap, that was all the breast milk I left non-frozen. Neil will have to use Formula before I get home. Well that was the least of Neils worries. Ryan went into "BAD MOOD" and just kept crying. I start getting messages about how our son is bi-polar. 

 When Neil took the 3rd bottle away for 1 second.

heh Then I get this message...

"I just changed his outfit which he then proceeded to spit up on not once but twice to assert dominance over me"

I start laughing. I write Neil "Welcome to my Monday - Friday" I really think now Neil understand why sometimes I am frantic by the time he gets home to give him Ryan so I can take a shower (thankfully those days are rare).

Wasn't too long after that I came home and Ry got the boobies he missed so much. (and then passed out on me until I was RUDE enough to move then started to cry)

Its harder for Neil cause he has to warm up the bottles and Ry is used to not waiting and really doesn't handle waiting well at all.

I also forgot to warn Neil about the cluster feeding and how he can eat A LOT in a small amount of time. For me its not too big a deal, little painful and makes me tired but I dont have to heat up 3 bottles in less then an hour.

Neil is the white my replies are in the green. 

(its a joke people Neil loves Ryan, gas comment made me laugh so I thought I should share)

Then we talk about taking him out of the basket in our bed and moving him to the crib tonight. Which went really great. The crib is in our bedroom and the Moses basket use to be in our bed between us. It was nice to have our king size bed back!

Neil tried it out and Ry liked it for his 30 min afternoon nap.
(also I removed all the toys from his crib before last night)

Good thing is because he was up all day and he got a bath last night he slept great last night for us YAY!

I never thought my life would revolve around another persons poops and sleep schedule. So weird.

Also we really need to get the air turned on here, its getting hot and hot baby = evil.