Brave mom is brave

Thursday Neil heard of this place call Cedar Point in Ohio and how we should go next year with Joe & Angela and how it would be this awesome cheep get away. Well I looked it up and its a roller coaster park.

Well crap. I hate roller coasters.

Last year when we went to Canada's Wonderland for Joe's birthday I had the wonderful excuse of being preggo with Ryan so I couldn't go on any of the rides. Well I have no excuse anymore. Shit.

I wrote Neil back and told him no way I would go to Cedar Point. I shut that idea down. He wrote back saying he was sad, he didn't want to go without me to Amusement parks. He wants to go with me! That was when I decided I was being an OLD fuddy duddy and when the hell did that happen? And I would go to Wonderland with him and try going on a roller coaster. Who knows maybe I liked them again.

That was when he told me we are going Friday, he had the day off. Double Shit. I tried the excuse it was hot and going on rides makes me feel sick and with the heat, surely he wouldn't want me to get sick. He laughed and said I was being silly. Then I saw the weather said Thunder Storms all day Friday. YAY I had a good excuse. When we woke up Friday morning just rain in the morning and the rest of the day was going to be nice. Triple Shit!

I tried telling Neil his mom was busy with work and couldn't watch Ryan all day, he said he already talked to her and she was happy to have Ryan.

So around 11:30 we were on our way. That was when I decided I would have a great day with my husband. It's pretty rare we do stuff just the two of us now. We either have Ryan or invite friends with us. 

We hit a good amount of rain on the way there which was nice, it cooled it down. 

After we got there we started on the Spinovator. Its like tea cups you have no control over. Neil got it on video till the lady over the speaker told him to put away his iPhone.

The lines were nothing, no wait times due to the rain. We think it scared people into not going to the park which is what we were hoping for. So we made our way to Behemoth. I waited in line with Neil (about 15 min at the most) and he went on it without me. No way that was going to be my first roller coaster.

 

Afterward we went and got food, we had a all you can eat for $8 which was a good deal. After eating we needed to digest a little before a ride so we went out to the car so I could pump my boobs. 

Once that was all done we headed back to the park and hit up The Vortex. It's a suspended coaster and you are in a bucket with good straps so I felt pretty safe. I was doing good but I had a breaking point when I let out a HUGE scream. Felt much better. The ride messed up my bum hip though which sucked.

After that we took a break and hit up Sponge Bob 3D and its sweet sweet air conditioning.

We made our way over to the kid area to check out rides for Ryan when he is older. I saw Silver Streak and there was no wait so we went on it. It is a suspended leg dangler. We went on it twice. I loved it. Yeah its a Jr roller coaster but whatever I still loved it.

Had to head to the car for pumping again. On the way to the car Neil wanted to hit up SkyRider. Its a STAND UP roller coaster. I almost went on it but it had a loop and standing up during a loop I think would be a little much just yet. Neil went on it twice.

Brave dad is brave! Brave mom not so much...

After pumping we checked out the water park and the rides for Ryan. We figure it would be a lot of fun next year. Its no Typhoon Lagoon but its still pretty wicked.

I told Neil I really wanted to go on Wind Seeker, 30-story tall swing ride.This ride I was not scared about at all. I love swings and I love heights! 

Poor Neil was mortified.

As we were waiting in line Neil said he was trying to decide to go on the inside of the swing and fall to his death or the outside of the swing and be flung to his death. He chose the inside. It was my turn to be brave for him. As we started going up I was telling him the view was amazing. I look over at him and his eyes are sort of open and he is just staring ahead. He mumbled something about looking at the horizon. I was looking all over and going WEEEEEEEE! I even put my arms out in front of me like I was flying. It was AWESOME. I could go on that ride all day.

Poor Neil looked like he was going to vomit. I just don't understand how he can go on the Behemoth but not handle a big swing. He thought I was insane trusting this small piece of 'string' to not break off and kill me. He compared it to the strength of a paper clip. Yeah we can both be a little dramatic.

Time to celebrate with fries!

Off to the car for pumping again. Stupid boobies. The AC was nice in the car though and gave us a chance to put on more sunscreen.

We made our way over to Back Lot Stunt Coaster after that. Thinking it would be a fun small ride. Neil had never been on it before. Holy shit it went fast! It was a lot of fun but I screamed like crazy. (and cussed until Neil pointed out the kid in front of us so I started yelling bugger)

We also hit up Thunder Run. It goes through the mountain. Its like Thunder Mountain in Disney. It was fun and not scary.

We figured for both of us being so brave we could get ice cream cookie! We didn't get one last time because soft serve ice cream is a no no when preggo.

It was so good.

YUMMY!

We ended our night with another go on the Vortex. This time I kept my eyes open. We wanted to go on The Fly but it was closed. And I asked if Neil wanted to hit up Behemoth again but he was good.

When we go in September I am going to try a loop ride. EEEEK!

We called Gabi and she was good with Ryan so we took a shower and met up with Joe and Ang for dinner.

It was a great day.

And here is a picture of Ryan watching Tv. Just because its cute.

Durrrrrrrrrrrrp

:)

Cha-cha-cha-changes...

Ryan has changed so much in the past few weeks. You can really see his little personalty coming out.

A few days ago he was in my arms just looking around happy as could be. Just ate, just had a clean diaper and just gave a nice big burp.

I went to put him in his green chair and I didn't even have him all the way in it yet and he started to cry. I picked him up right away, he stopped crying and smiled at me.

I promptly put him back in the chair. I explained mommy needs to pee, eat and feed the cats and he can just wait for 10 minutes. Soon as I was out of his line of sight he was fine.

Now like most moms (and dads) I like a good cuddle but I have stuff I have to do too.

I am pretty sure he learned when he cries he gets picked up. I have been trying to only pick him up when he is really upset. If he is just whining I let him be or I will move him to the bouncer or sit down and chat with him. I won't pick him up till he stops or if he gets really upset.

Also I think he has realized his hands are his and what he does with them. He loves to grab my face or grab my fingers and look at them. His favorite though he grabbing his feet. HE LOVES IT.

YAY Feet! 

Also I noticed his eyes are changing. They are not all blue anymore. There is green/yellow in the center like mine. Neil still thinks they will change to brown. I am not too sure.

(Click on the photo to enlarge and see for yourself)

I had my first nightmare the other night about Ryan. We were in a mall and I turned around for a second because Neil called me and when I turned back Ryan was gone. I woke up in a sweat and in my nightmare haze was so thrilled to see Ryan. (we have a one bedroom so his crib is in our room right now) He was in bed with us because he was crying a lot in the morning and I wanted more sleep. The trick is to side feed him and once he is done and sleeping I cuddle him a little. So it was nice to cuddle him and rub his back.

Neil is really stepping up the dad game. I think because I am the food source and I am home all day Ryan has become a little dependent on me at home. That makes things a little harder for Neil. Also because I got a little work thrown my way I had to have Neil help out at night so I could get it done by the due date. Which he was awesome at! He has mastered the art of distraction!

Check out my office (and the sleeping baby under the bright light... opps)

Also Ryan is starting to look more and more like Neil... in the morning. They both have that "I need coffee and an hour to wake up" look

Really need my coffee mom.

Whats really nice is Ryan is starting to be in a better mood at night. It just sucked before because I get him in the day when he is in a good mood and soon as Neil gets home in the evening he is fussy and unhappy and not too much fun to be around. 

A few nights ago we were all on the futon and I was feeding Ryan and he detached to look at Neil. And he busted out in that HUGE gummy grin he does. So Neil starts to chat with him and smile back. Ryan smiles even bigger. I told Neil to cut it out and tried to feed him again. Ryan starts to eat and he detached again to smile at daddy. We all start to laugh. Neil picks up a pillow off the futon and blocks Ryan from being able to see him. Which made me laugh even harder.

Its so cool that Ryan is starting to be a person. No longer this feeding, sleeping, cuddling, crying, pooping, machine. He wants to play and talk and laugh. I love it so much. Sometimes when he is in bed with me I will just lay there and stare at him and watch him sleep. Then I poke him so he make that frowny face I love so much.
Never said I was nice 100% of the time. 

Ryan's LOL

I was changing Ryan on the change table this morning and like always once done we play a little. He was grabbing his feet happy, as could be and I was telling him over and over I love him while touching his head and face with both hands.

(starting on the top of his head and cupping my hands around while touching to his chin)

I think he was trying to copy the sounds I was making like he normally does and I laughed and then he laughed! It was his first real honest to god laugh out loud and it was awesome.

I hope I can get him to do it again soon for Neil to hear.

Really wish I would have gotten it on tape!

Sleeping at night

We have been pretty lucky that Ryan DOES sleep at night. We got that awake at night sleeping during the day crap out of him pretty fast.

I think in part we were lucky, and in part my tricks worked. At night we would be in the bedroom... keep it dark, quiet and cool. During the day I would take him out of the bedroom and put him the living room. I would open all the blinds and let the sun shine in. Even if he was napping during the day it was in the bright light.

That being said he is 13 weeks and still waking a lot at night to feed. I think I need to play my part in stopping this. Some tricks we cant use because we live in a one bedroom right now. So Ryan is in his crib in our room.

I found this info and I am hoping to try it out starting this Thursday evening. I am waiting till Thursday because Neil has off Friday and it will give us three nights to try it till Neil has to get sleep to go back to work. And if I really want to stick with it or see some small change and need to 'stick it out' I will just have Neil sleep in the living room for a few days.

I think I will try when he wakes after sleeping just an hour to not feed him. If he has been sleeping three hours obviously I will feed him. 

Ill update with any progress. 

Wish this sleepy mom (and dad) luck!

Also a side note. I don't expect Ryan to sleep through the night just yet but I go expect to get more then 2 hours of sleep at a time.

Grumpy mom is grumpy

Earlier this week Ryan spoiled me by sleeping five whole hours for the first stretch at night two nights in a row. Since then, at night, he has been waking every 1-2 hours really fussy and cranky. The normal feed and cuddle just isn't cutting it.

I feed, walk around with him, cuddle him, hunch over the crib rubbing his belly and holding his hand, pick him up, walk around a little more, bounce him, cuddle, try to feed again, hunch over the crib rubbing his belly and if I am very lucky he will sleep. But even while sleeping he fusses which wakes me up because I am tuned into his sounds. I try to wait till right before crying to get him. But I cant wait too long because Ry is in our room and I try to let Neil get sleep since he has to work.

Because of this I am dealing with fussy baby all night and all day. 

Its starting to take it toll.

What's frustrating is I am even doing this on the weekend when Neil is home. Neil will take him for maybe 15 min before giving up and handing him off to me to see if its because Ryan is hungry. (Ryan wont take a bottle if he knows I am around)

I love Ryan with all my being but the past few days have been a strain. I don't even want to take him out anywhere because he has been crying so much. He cried so hard yesterday at Tara and Chris's he popped a blood vessel in his eye. All the normal tricks were not calming him down. We were invited to Lilly & Hugh's pool again, which Ryan likes, but I am too scared to take him. I just don't want to have him scream in my face again.

Normally in the morning/afternoon he is a really happy guy but the past few days he has been even grumpy in the morning. I don't know if maybe he is going to cut a tooth soon or its a growth spurt but he really spoiled me by being a pretty good kid for as long as he has.

I wish like hell he would take a bottle from Neil. At least then I could have one day a week (Saturday or Sunday) when I can get a few extra hours of sleep, or go out on my own for a few hours to get away. 

About 99% of the time I love that I have Ryan and I can spend so much time with him. But that 1% really misses alone time. I don't even have time alone in the shower anymore. Either Ryan is in there while I shower in his bouncing chair or he starts to cry and Neil brings him in so he can see me and hopefully calm down. (or to distract him)

Maybe I am just at the three month strain and I need to vent. But venting makes me feel like a bad mom, bad wife or that I am being ungrateful. I am very happy Ryan is healthy and I am blessed enough to get the first year of his life with him without working. But I am also tired and my back/shoulders hurt and being a mom is really hard sometimes.

 I am trying my best to not be grumpy or not be so sensitive or stupid but the past few days its been really hard. Stuff that used to not effect me or I wouldn't pay attention to are really getting to me. Things I would normaly take as a joke I am taking to heart.

I don't like this side of me and I don't know what to do to change it.

Three months old today

WOW.

Ryan is three months old. Pretty soon he will be eating, telling us he hates us and working in the acid mines.

:)

He is getting so big that Neil had to take all the 'new born' padding out of the car seat and move the straps to the highest level. I love looking at pictures of Ry in his newborn outfits when we brought him home.

He used to be so small!

Tara and Chris got us this super cute froggy outfit. The Newborn size was a little big on him when he was first born. We loved it so much we picked up the same outfit at 3 month size. Now it doesn't even fit.

Gabi got him a super cute yellow duck robe that is 9 month size he wore today.

Speaking of today it was very busy day indeed. He went swimming for the first time today!

SPF 50 shade blocker is a good thing!

Neil and I were shocked he didn't scream soon as we put him in. Cold water is a new thing to him. He had on his swim suit that is SPF 50 and we put him in this floater (You can find it at Canadian Tire for $20) Said on the box its good from 6 - 18 months. So hopefully we can use it next year and it has a sun blocker of SPF 50 on it.

We were very lucky to get to use a private pool. Rita and Tim invited us over and we had a great time. Ended up getting in the water at 6pm so the sun was pretty low and there was a lot of clouds. Because Ryan is under 6 months of age we can not use sun block and we can not get his head under water so we have to be extra safe. Which is why the floater was such a good investment. 

Sunburn + Baby + Water in Ear = BAD

After that Ryan slept on Tim for a bit while Neil and I splashed around. 

(pictures will hopefully be on facebook soonish) I'll share a few on here in a update later.

 Here is a teaser photo

Another first for him was he took a shower with me tonight. We wanted to get the pool water off him but felt a bath was a bit much after being in the pool for almost 30 min today. So as I was almost done with the shower Neil brought Ryan in for me to hold in the water. He liked it which was a bit of a shock to us as well. He did get super pissed when he got out because out house was cold. 

Fun thing was we have a glass door in the shower so I held Ryan's butt on the glass so he could MOON Neil. (Neil got a great photo but you can sort of see nude me in it and Ryan's little balls so we will not be sharing that with you kind people unless we doctor it with  A LOT of blur.)

We had a good weekend and an awesome first three months. Lets see what the next month has in store for us!

Abbey

I found myself thinking about Abbey for no particular reason and started to cry yesterday. Thankfully it was when Ry was sleeping. I don't talk about her anymore. I think it makes a lot of people uneasy which is understandable. If you have never lost a child it would be something you are unsure of how to comfort someone on. Hell even if you had lost a child how people handle it is very different. Neil VS me was very different.

Every now and then I think about her and how old she would be now. But on the same side of the coin if she was healthy and we had her we would not have Ryan.

My due date was Aug 23rd 2010 and I found out I was pregnant before that. (in July)

I love Ryan with all my heart but I find myself sometimes wondering about the daughter we lost. What she would have been like if she was healthy. Who she would look like now. Does Ryan look like her? She would be almost a year old.

Then I step back, acknowledge that she is gone and we are lucky in having a healthy baby to hold now. Everyday I am thankful for Ryan and that he is healthy and growing.

He is not a replacement for our lost daughter but a happy bonus of a squirmy smiling son.

And that is what I should think of when I find myself sad over the loss of her.

First night apart and wedding fun.

Ryan has been refusing the bottle from me for the past week. (like talked about in the previous post) So understandably I was nervous about his first night apart from me and the boobs.

Our good friends Dan and Vanessa (who have been mentioned on this blog before) were getting married Saturday. We didn't want to bring our 10 week old son because we thought he might be disruptive and because Neil was in the wedding party he needed to focus on the groom and making sure all his needs were met (and the bride!)

At 11am Chris picked up Neil. I was busy getting Ryan ready for his over night stay with grandma and grandpa Bank. About noon Rita and I head over to the condo. After dropping all his stuff off, laying down a few rules (nothing in his sleeping area and back sleeping ONLY) and a few tips (prep the bottles for nighttime feeds before bed - you can do this with breast milk NOT FORMULA. Formula has to be mixed right before use.) I was on my way.

EDIT : My friend Wendy said her formula (Simulac) says you can mix formula and leave in the fridge up to 24 hours. I use Good Start and it says to mix right before use and toss any uneaten right away. So double check with you doctor on this.

Finished getting ready and picked up Tara. Once we got there we picked out a seat and enjoyed the wedding ceremony. It went smoothly and we were amazing by how stunning Vanessa looked in her dress. After the wedding you could see how much more relaxed and at ease the bride and groom were. Its stressful when you are getting married up there with everyone looking at you and you are trying not to cry or mess up your lines or drop the wedding ring... but they made it!

After that we were in the reception at our table. Our table was the fun table.

Myself, Tara, Mark and Lynds, Sherry, Roland, Janet and Mike Park. It was a blast!

By now it had been five hours since Ryan ate... Gabi was sweet and emailed me to let me know Ryan just finished a bottle.(and did this though out the night every time he ate) I was so happy I went and got a beer. Now that I knew Gabi had worked her grandma magic and got him to eat I could relax and have a good time. I wouldn't need to run home and feed him. YAY!

We had an AMAZING time. The food was yummy, the people were fun, the booze flowed and the music was rocking. Danced so much I am sore today. Neil even grabbed me and took me for a slow dance. He never does that, it made my night.

I was able to pump in the bridal room. (the first pumping was in the bathroom) Janet kept me company one of the times until Neil came in to sit and chat with me. 

Really I should have pumped more because my breast would get so sore and hard. I just didn't want to miss anything.

Neil and I got to sleep around 3am. I woke up at 7am to pump and we started our day around 11am.

We had some running around to do so I gave Gabi a quick call to see how they were doing and if they could keep Ryan for a few more hours.

That was when I heard the POOP story. This morning Gabi was holding Ryan when he pooped so much it came out the back and front of his outfit, went all over Gabi to the point of going between her legs and getting on the chair. She said she had to sit there for about five minutes trying to figure out how to get out of the chair without getting poop everywhere. Gabi was able to grab a quick shower while Sandor cleaned up Ryan.

I should have warned her about Ryan's morning poops. He will not poop all night and the morning poop can be pretty big but he is always in a good mood afterward.

So all in all a very successful night for us all and now I can be more relaxed about over night stays with the grand folks. Which I think we should make a once a month thing. Let Neil and I have a night to be alone and Ryan a night to have fun and be spoiled with Grandma and Grandpa.

:)