Saturday, 16 July 2011

Grumpy mom is grumpy

Earlier this week Ryan spoiled me by sleeping five whole hours for the first stretch at night two nights in a row. Since then, at night, he has been waking every 1-2 hours really fussy and cranky. The normal feed and cuddle just isn't cutting it.
I feed, walk around with him, cuddle him, hunch over the crib rubbing his belly and holding his hand, pick him up, walk around a little more, bounce him, cuddle, try to feed again, hunch over the crib rubbing his belly and if I am very lucky he will sleep. But even while sleeping he fusses which wakes me up because I am tuned into his sounds. I try to wait till right before crying to get him. But I cant wait too long because Ry is in our room and I try to let Neil get sleep since he has to work.
Because of this I am dealing with fussy baby all night and all day. 

Its starting to take it toll.

What's frustrating is I am even doing this on the weekend when Neil is home. Neil will take him for maybe 15 min before giving up and handing him off to me to see if its because Ryan is hungry. (Ryan wont take a bottle if he knows I am around)

I love Ryan with all my being but the past few days have been a strain. I don't even want to take him out anywhere because he has been crying so much. He cried so hard yesterday at Tara and Chris's he popped a blood vessel in his eye. All the normal tricks were not calming him down. We were invited to Lilly & Hugh's pool again, which Ryan likes, but I am too scared to take him. I just don't want to have him scream in my face again.

Normally in the morning/afternoon he is a really happy guy but the past few days he has been even grumpy in the morning. I don't know if maybe he is going to cut a tooth soon or its a growth spurt but he really spoiled me by being a pretty good kid for as long as he has.

I wish like hell he would take a bottle from Neil. At least then I could have one day a week (Saturday or Sunday) when I can get a few extra hours of sleep, or go out on my own for a few hours to get away. 

About 99% of the time I love that I have Ryan and I can spend so much time with him. But that 1% really misses alone time. I don't even have time alone in the shower anymore. Either Ryan is in there while I shower in his bouncing chair or he starts to cry and Neil brings him in so he can see me and hopefully calm down. (or to distract him)

Maybe I am just at the three month strain and I need to vent. But venting makes me feel like a bad mom, bad wife or that I am being ungrateful. I am very happy Ryan is healthy and I am blessed enough to get the first year of his life with him without working. But I am also tired and my back/shoulders hurt and being a mom is really hard sometimes.

 I am trying my best to not be grumpy or not be so sensitive or stupid but the past few days its been really hard. Stuff that used to not effect me or I wouldn't pay attention to are really getting to me. Things I would normaly take as a joke I am taking to heart.

I don't like this side of me and I don't know what to do to change it.

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