I found myself thinking about Abbey for no particular reason and started to cry yesterday. Thankfully it was when Ry was sleeping. I don't talk about her anymore. I think it makes a lot of people uneasy which is understandable. If you have never lost a child it would be something you are unsure of how to comfort someone on. Hell even if you had lost a child how people handle it is very different. Neil VS me was very different.
Every now and then I think about her and how old she would be now. But on the same side of the coin if she was healthy and we had her we would not have Ryan.
My due date was Aug 23rd 2010 and I found out I was pregnant before that. (in July)
I love Ryan with all my heart but I find myself sometimes wondering about the daughter we lost. What she would have been like if she was healthy. Who she would look like now. Does Ryan look like her? She would be almost a year old.
Then I step back, acknowledge that she is gone and we are lucky in having a healthy baby to hold now. Everyday I am thankful for Ryan and that he is healthy and growing.
He is not a replacement for our lost daughter but a happy bonus of a squirmy smiling son.
And that is what I should think of when I find myself sad over the loss of her.