Sunday, 6 May 2012

So many things in my brain.

So many things to write about so little time.
The wedding last weekend went off without any issues. It was beautiful, amazing and filled with love and fun. I might write more detail later. (with pictures!)

Today was spent cleaning the old place. I think we made a great dent. Could not have done it without Gabi's help. She took care of Ryan from 1:30-6pm. I really dont know what we would do without Neils parents.

Makes me a little sad I got so little time with Ry this weekend. Saturday was The Avengers which was AWESOME and today was cleaning. Trust me when I say I much rather have spent the day outside with Ryan and Neil playing in the park or going for a walk them cleaning our old apartment.
I digress, we got a lot done which feels great.

So stuff with Ryan. He has had some hard days. Just when we think the runny nose is better it gets worse. Thats the crappy thing about day care. Bonus is the sleeping. He sleeps much easier. I do wish the day care would give him more naps. I hate when he only has one nap and goes super crazy pants when we get home because he is so tired. He is a 1 year old. HE NEEDS TO SLEEP.
However, for now, he is still sleeping through the night, mostly. Sometimes he will wake, we think he has teeth coming in soon. God help us.

Today he grabbed his dirty shirt off the floor and tried to put it on himself, it was pretty cute. He does this open and close hand thing when he wants something really bad, normally its when he wants me. He acts up a lot more around me then anyone else. Day care says he is perfect. I was also warned this might happen. Its all normal. We spent all day and all night together. Now we have a two bedroom so he has his own room and he is in day care from 815-515. Neil and I try to spend as much time as we can with him. Ryan helps with this by waking up at 530 in the morning. :/
He is walking on his own all the time now, he even does this sort of running jog thing when he is excited or wants to get somewhere. I think he likes the condo. So much more room for him to run around in and explore and man, does he ever. He holds his own cup (this is a brand new things!) and knows what to do to drink from it. Somehow he learned about straws and can drink from that as well. He started Whole milk but he is not a fan of it. When he eats food he doesnt want he will ether pull it from his mouth and let it fall on the tray or floor or he will just open up his mouth and push the food out. Both are very funny and its super hard to refrain from laughing when he does it.

I found out my mothers day gift today from Neil. He is taking all my blog posts from the first one till Ryan hit one year, that is about 100 posts, and putting them in a book. He is having it done through apple which we are fond of using. (Rita and Tim wedding, Ryans albums, Sloanes first year album) they are a little pricy but so nice. This is a book I will always have. I can let Ryan read it when he is old enough to understand, I can re-read it and hold it in my hands. The pictures from me pregnant, ryan just born, apple picking, zoo, his shower, swimming for the first time, bath time, eating, sleeping, breast feeding, smiles, crying... so many memories in this past year to enjoy. It's awesome. Even more so since Ry is growing so much every week he is changing and becoming a little kid not a baby.

Now I need to come up with something for fathers day other then what I had planned. though to be fair he did get an iPad. :D

Work is hard. Neil thinks I lost my thick skin. I think I agree with him. I am offended and hurt much easier then I used to be. Some women have even commented about how happy I am now and smily. Most of the time this is true, why wouldn't I be. I have an amazing family and life, we are extremely lucky. Some women are mean, for the sake of being mean and I have no idea WHY they are. I do not understand or know what I did to upset them so since I have been away for a year, I dont think I did much to them. I often wonder if sometimes I did something and am just unaware. Maybe me coming back upsets the power or something? I mean come on, I am a graphic artist. Yeah I used to have a little more pull there before leaving so long but that will come back with time. Dont get me wrong, I enjoy my job, a lot, (when bitches are not being catty bitches) but I don't make it my main focus when I go home. I go home. I enjoy being home. I dont think about work at home anymore.
I hope things go back to normal. Though Neil has been telling me these mean women were mean before, I just didn't care as much before I left. I used to say "fuck those bitches" Now I say "I wonder why they dont like me." So lame I have become.
Thicken up skin, I am tired of being sad at work.

I miss my son. I will watch him on my break sometimes online and sometimes it makes me smile or laugh. And sometimes it makes my day even harder to get through. Helps we are super busy but watching him cuddling the ladies at his day care hurts and gives me a little relief. Unless you are a mom you will never understand this battle of feelings.

I have changed so much. I used to hate women that said that to me. "you are not a mom, you dont get it" but sorry ladies, its true.
Something changes in you, or at least it should. 

Okay enough, go to bed Mary. I keep staying up way to late and getting 5-6 hours sleep and then working all day and then running around like a crazy lady at night trying to prepare and clean.

I have yet to find my working mom groove. Hopefully that will come with time as well.
Any hits or tips for me?

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