Thursday, 7 April 2011

What to say/ask and what NOT to say/ask a pregnant woman.

So for those of you that have not been preggo before and maybe even for those of you that have here are some things you should NEVER ask/say to a pregnant woman.

1. Is this your first?
I suggest not asking this because you might not like the answer. A lot of women have miscarried, had still birth or lost a child before and this can lead to painful reminders or just uncomfortable situations. I always have a second to decide if I will be open and say no this is not my first, we lost our daughter or if I will just nod politely and be on my way. It still surprises me when health care people ask me this you would think if anyone knew better it would be them. And if someone does say no its not my first DON'T ask what happened. If we wanted you to know we would have told you.

2. WOW you are huge
No one wants to hear this ever. We know we are huge and we know our belly's are round and stick out very far, we know we walk funny (hip displacement is a lot of fun) we don't need strangers or even friends commenting on this. You wouldn't like it if we said it to you.

3. You look tired. (goes with you look huge)
Yet another shock to hear from people almost everyday while I was at work. You wouldn't tell someone that isn't pregnant they look tired because its rude. But soon as you have that round belly people love to tell you how tired you look. Oh of course I look tired I am growing a living being in my uterus that likes to use my bladder as a pillow at night. You would look tired too if you were up every 90 minutes peeing.

4. Laughing
Never laugh at a pregnant woman walking (if you do hide it). Yes it can be hard not to but guess what, we are walking that way cause we are in pain or our hips have shifted and we can't help it. You laughing doesn't make us feel any better about it. My co-worker thought it was just SO FUNNY even though that day the baby dropped and I was trying not to cry the pain in my left hip was so bad. I wanted to punch her out. I think the pain made me grumpy because up till that I didn't really mind too much when people pointed out I was walking like a duck.

5. Horror labor stories.
The amount of horror stories I heard made me second guess if I was ready for this. Unless your story is this "my water broke, I had an hour long labor and then the baby just came out no pain, no tearing and he was perfect and clean" I don't want to hear it. Don't want to hear about a 12lb baby and a 36 hour labor. Don't want to hear about how your friend tore and she had to use a POOP bag for six weeks till she healed. Come on that's just mean. I know its going to hurt and I know there are some risks but I don't need to hear them all the time. Let me have my lie that my labor 'wont be that bad.'

Suggestions for what you can ask/say

1. Do you know if its a boy or girl?
Some people know and some people like to be surprised but this question is safe, and non-offensive to anyone.

2. How far are you along? Wow you look great! (or when is the due date)
No matter what the answer is telling a 8 month preggo woman she looks great will make her feel better. Unlike what happened to me when I was 6 months a sales lady asked how far I was, I said 6 months and she looked at me with her mouth open and said I looked more like I was 8 months. Gee thanks. Why don't you just call me a huge fat ass and be done with it. Jerk.

3. Can I touch your belly?
I had no strangers touch me which was nice. I think the fact that it was winter and I wore a coat helped. I know some friends that were preggo in the summer had a lot of strangers touching them. I actually didn't mind when co-workers touched my belly. And I love it when family or friends do it. I find it very comfy to have my belly rubbed. But its nice to ask before touching someone, it's just polite. Some women might not like it so be prepared to hear NO.

I am sure I missed a few things. Feel free to comment on questions you hated and loved when you were pregnant. I hope this helps non-preggo people understand a bit better why sometimes we will get grumpy with them.

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